Why I won’t be Staying Up Late in the UK to watch WrestleMania 41

Over the years, even when my interest with WWE was at a low point, I’ve checked out where  the Royal Rumble and WrestleMania weekends fall. I haven’t always followed through with a watch but there has been many a time I’ve gone in cold, totally out of touch with the product, and given The Show of Shows a chance. 

It is the professional wrestling world’s version of Super Bowl.

This year, despite watching some RAW and SmackDown on the road to WrestleMania, it’s already been decided that a live watch is off the table. The two night fiasco has devolved into a pair of cards that leaves one a little deflated. Sure, the spectacle will be grandiose, there’s bound to be the odd unexpected show stealer, but it looks like 80% mundane filler. 

Cena and Rhodes—even with the poor follow-up to the climax of Elimination Chamber—is still intriguing. I have booed Cena more than most over the years, but the case for him winning a (WWE) record breaking world title outweighs the arguments for Cody Rhodes retaining. The Punk/Reigns/Rollins Triple Threat match has me interested. The glutton for punishment that I am, is hoping for a Seth Rollins win. I don’t expect it. It also shouldn’t headline Night 1. But The Fed seems to be pandering to Phil Brooks. 

Outside of these two matches, others are only catching my attention for the same reason I slow down to look at a car crash.

Charlotte Flair and Tiffany Stratton have about as much chemistry as Seth Rollins and Becky Lynch. You’d never put them together. Unlike the latter, the women’s match we’ll be made to watch at WrestleMania won’t have the unexpected spark and outcome of the Lopez/Quin union. Flair has reverted to type and rather than think of the bigger picture—the match—she has thought only about herself.

I understand that veterans need to put the next generation through their paces. They need to test the new-blood to see if they’re fit to stand at the top. But what Flair does isn’t tough love. It’s self-serving. Or . . . perhaps she is a genius, because there’s real eyes on this encounter now, despite the tepid heat we saw at the start of the build.

Another car crash has been the Jey Uso and Gunther build. WWE fans have a tendency to be simple creatures when it comes to story. While they may complain that AEW lacks storylines, they miss the nuances and long-term dynamic Tony Khan’s promotion provides. In The Fed, just getting everyone to shout “Yeet!” is supposed to be enough to carry a World Title bout. It isn’t. Gunther’s in ring skills will be sorely wasted on Uso, and should he lose, a cheap five minutes of getting the crowd to Yeet along will severely diminish the value of the championship.

WWE knows this has been a weak build to the weekend. You only have to look at the media and PR in recent days. We’ve seen a terrible waxwork of Triple H. Roman Reigns take flack for saying he likes Trump. CM Punk criticised and immediately responding for staying on the payroll of a “MAGA company”. And Nick Khan taking time to mention AEW. Oh, and The Rock posting a pic of him in a NJPW T-shirt.

It’s a classic trick political parties use: if you don’t want people to notice what you’re doing (or not doing), give them distractions.

This further underlines how they have fumbled the John Cena heel move. And instead of making a stellar, must see card, they have made something over the two nights that resembles a set of House shows for a tour.

They haven’t even got every title on the line or represented over the two nights. How can that be? The Show of Shows with more filler than substance.

The best way to watch this year’s WrestleMania will be a day late and using Netflix’s fast-forward function. When AEW suffers a dip, it’s still guaranteed its upcoming PPV will be top-notch. With this weekend’s card as it currently stands, it would take something close to perfection from each performer to turn lacklustre build, uninspiring match choices, and weak media interviews to elevate it to anything approaching Mid.

I hope WWE can prove me wrong. If only for the people attending in person who had to re-mortgage their homes to afford a ticket.

John Cena Heel Fail, SmackDown Sucked

Lovers of WWE, along with its sycophants, slaves, and fan service outlets, lauded John Cena’s Brussels Heel pitch. It proved that if you’ve swallowed The Fed shaped pill and drank from their Kool Aid, any above average match is a five star classic and a run-of-the-mill promo is Shakespeare. 

It’s not that Cena’s promo was terrible on Monday’s Netflix show. It was just very . . . meh. After a near perfect execution of his turn at the end of Elimination Chamber, the (delayed) follow up was empty. The turning on the fans trope is tired. Cena’s new character came across as two-dimensional, when he has the capacity to play a much deeper role. There’s certainly scope for a multifaceted Heel Cena. Well, at least there was. Now, we’re left with one who’d had enough of no one asking if he was okay. 

The potential to explore the extent of his new relationship with The Rock should have been front and centre. With that, he could have described what “selling his soul” entailed and what he’s already received. 

Alas, that never happened. It feels all intelligent plans were scrapped and instead, someone read Vince McMahon’s diary from the Seventies to find out what makes a basic bad guy. 

Old school heat — but not in a good way. 

To think, once upon a time when they considered flipping Cena, he made a new entrance theme and sought out different attire. 

When the time actually came, it was more of the same, diluted down into a bitchy, misguided, bitter part timer. 

It was easy to boo last Monday. But it wasn’t because of the excellent character work bringing on genuine heat. It was the standard of the segment. 

And people called this industry changing? Comparing it to Hogan and the nWo. 

The Big Show had better Heel segments and he had more turns than an F1 car. 

SmackDown sucked the following Friday in Italy. A segment with Reigns, Rollins and Punk should have offered the chance to upgrade the verbal barbs. It was short and hardly sweet.

RAW is in Glasgow, Scotland next. A rough, gritty city. Babyheel Cena needs to soak up the local atmosphere and reboot his new persona or the Road to WrestleMania is going to feel like a grind.

Why I’ll Watch WrestleMania (by an AEW fanboy)

I haven’t watched a full WWE PPV since Evolution. I totally believe in the positive strides taken to recognise women in Sports Entertainment, and in that particular point in time, they deserved all the attention not because of the “Women’s Revolution” but down to the fact they were markedly better than the male counterparts.

I stopped watching WWE because of Bad Creative and the Saudi situation. Any company that can ignore murdered journalists and still collect a pay cheque is morally bankrupt. Evolution came at an unfortunate time for me to make that ethical choice. Once the PPV was over, the Network was cancelled.

On Saturday, I will again decide to become an active subscriber. (This will be on the back of one of my many personas who have yet to take a free trial.) Much has changed in the intervening period. I’ve become AEW – I’m All In. WWE has further morphed into the modernised version of eighties WWE that was trounced by an emergent WCW. If you can’t learn from history, you are destined to fail. Vincent K. McMahon doesn’t view history – he has a clearly defined end version he’s been trying to paint for years.

Starting Saturday, even Vince will be forced into parts unknown. Everyone around him advised it was best to have a WrestleMania delay. Vince refused. It could be he’s so stubborn, he needs to see WrestleMania chalked off his calendar on exactly the correct date.

It could also be that the most successful and influential wrestling promotor of all time knows how to make prosperity out of chaos.

WWE will always be able to say WrestleMania proceeded unabated. The pre-filmed nature means they can aim for a cinematic feel. Vince is on record saying he makes movies. This is his chance to make The WrestleMania Movie. The two-night affair is also a handy trial. The event has become too long. Now they have a chance to see if two nights, two main events, is palatable.

I’ll be watching WrestleMania this year because it’s a once in a lifetime experiment. If they get it right, it’ll be like nothing we’ve seen before – or will again. AEW has done a far better job with its crowd-less shows so far. It could be WWE has deliberately downplayed the Performance Centre so what we see this weekend blows us away.

The Showcase of Immortals has never been so intriguing.

Now, as long as The Fiend wins, Goldberg is exiled, The Man finishes looking strong, Charlotte Flair loses, Drew looks strong, The Undertaker comes as the American Bad Ass and Edge is retired with an RKO, WrestleMania will be a great success.

WWE Battleground 2017 – Review

Let’s get a few things straight from the start here, this isn’t going to be the sort of look back that slates Battleground. There has been quite enough of that from different quarters already. Also, they’re wrong to do so. Nobody moans more than me when a show masquerading as a PPV is no better than the weekly programme. But it wasn’t the case here.

Likewise, it wasn’t the best example of a premier event either. It was average. But PPV average.

Picking out the highlights here should illustrate the point. Does this mean missing half the card goes against it? Perhaps. But we all need toilet breaks and stock up supplies when watching live, or parts to skip when watching on catch-up.

The most positive reaction from the crowd on the night went to The New Day taking gold from the Usos. A fine match lead to cheers and it shows how over and valuable the trio are.

The Fatal 5-way for the Women’s belt once again failed to live up to its name: not one person died. Nor did the women exactly kill it but the result was a fresh direction. Remember a while ago, yours truly moaned that Natayla should have been given the Money in the Bank briefcase, somebody in the halls of WWE must have been listening. Or thought so themselves or planned it. But the idea of WWE Creative planning so well in advanced is far-fetched. There’s more chance that Vince McMahon personally reads every word I write and follows my career avidly.

It means Natayla can use her experience to carry the SummerSlam match with Naomi.

Based on the 5-way on display here, the bar does need raising.

As does the United States Championship. The Miz, an often-derided Superstar, continues to elevate Raw’s secondary title (as he did with the belt on SmackDown), yet two of the most lauded wrestlers in the business have further devalued the gold in question.

It should be impossible for AJ Styles and Kevin Owens to be slightly above mediocre. It seems the Land of Opportunity can make anything happened and they’ve pulled it off.

Who now cares about the man holding the US Title?

Still, it was cool to claim Owens and AJ had a good match and slag off John Cena versus Rusev.

Sure, we all knew Cena had to win. Rusev has had solid pushes crushed by this opponent before, so he can absorb this defeat. What it does is highlight the regard Cena has for the Bulgarian. He knew they could put on a good match and they did.

The stipulation gave us a reason to go up the ramp which in turn meant we saw some big hits. Cena needing props to see off Rusev does the loser no harm. It was almost like John was putting someone over. Almost.

Jinder Mahal against Randy Orton in a Punjabi Prison match drew more groans than sounds of excitement from the WWE Universe. To be fair to the former jobber, WWE should have moved his story on from Orton by now.

Again, they proved to be good methodical workers but in a match already viewed as a crammed concept, it didn’t go down well.

Then the inevitable happened followed by genuine shocks.

As expected the Singh Brothers interfered. They’d been hiding beneath the ring and prevented The Viper from escaping. For their troubles Sami Singh took a bump from high up through an announce table. It was a bad landing, almost as bad as Tom Philips’ commentary.

Still, even when it looked like Orton would prevail, we knew he couldn’t. What prevented this was a shock. Down the ramp walked The Great Khali. In a time when we have to accept Mahal as WWE Champion, it’s not a stretch to pretend Khali is a threat again.

He placed his gigantic hands through the cage and choked out Randy – Indian Interference Outta Nowhere – to allow his kayfabe countryman slowly climb and ascend to victory.

Brace yourself for Cena squashing Jinder sometime soon.

5/10

WWE WrestleMania 33 – Review

The Thrill Ride is over, the dust has settled, now’s the time to look back at The Showcase of Immortals. This year’s WrestleMania had much promise going into the event. Many storylines were poised to be resolved, although the majority had an obvious conclusion. Did WWE think outside the box and still deliver great moments and a few shocks? Read on to find out.

With a five-hour show – that’s the main show, not including the bouts on the pre-show – WWE had made a rod for its own back. The fans would need more stamina than the superstars on display. This is why the running order needed to be perfect. One misplaced bout could derail the whole event.

With Shane McMahon and AJ Styles given the curtain raiser, there was a slight concern. This has been a match many have been dismissive of. Even Cory Graves said the prospect did nothing for him. So it was a gamble, a potential switch off after just switching on.

There should have been zero worry. AJ could wrestle a dustbin and make a good match. What he had was a Shane O’Mac that gave his best show of in-ring ability. He’s never looked this good before. Why did he always go for gimmicks when he could do the “real” thing?

That’s not to say it was a totally pure bout. The old ref getting knocked out to bring in weapons trick allowed a trashcan followed by a dive from the top rope. But still, a great start and some fears allayed.

Next up was the match more knowledgeable fans were most looking forward to: Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens for the United States Title. It was also one where the expected outcome didn’t matter. We all know Jericho will soon return to the rock world with Fozzy. What we knew was these two had a great story and compelling chemistry.

Jericho Owens WM33

They didn’t let us down. The match swung, the story told well. The impact of the end (it was a powerbomb, can you guess where?) a fitting WrestleMania moment.

Skipping over the Raw Women’s Championship – because a five-hour show doesn’t need a six-hour review, and WWE “Creative” can’t use this talent correctly – we’ll come to the Ladder Match for Raw’s Tag Titles instead.

The takeaway is the returning Hardy Boyz. They have been touring independents after release from TNA (or Impact Wrestling, or Wasted Opportunity to be a Viable WWE Challenger Wrestling that made No Impact) and claiming numerous titles. They held seven simultaneously at one point.

Hardyz WM33

Now they have the big one. WWE’s. The stunts were provided in classic fashion but this is a new team. The fans acknowledged the Broken Matt Hardy and chanted “Delete.” WWE need to follow suit. Matt Hardy had complete creative control in TNA, this is his creation. WWE should throw the lawyers behind bringing it to Raw every week.

Next is the conclusion of a greatly told story with Cena and Miz facing off, women alongside. And oops, the story telling was better than the conclusion. For some reason, Cena sold to Miz all match. It was a suspension of disbelief. “Big Game John” was ground to the mat and desperately needed a hot tag.

Now don’t get me wrong: I’m The Miz’s biggest fan. I totally am. But it would have been more believable had he fought back from some sort of beating, earnt respect, and managed to look like a threat to Cena. Instead it brought back memories of Shawn Michaels and Hogan at SummerSlam.

The Miz WM33

Oh yeah, and Cena won and he proposed in his cringe life to his cringe future wife Fearless (very whiny for someone with no fear?) Nikki Bella.

I’m not Cena’s biggest fan.

Seth Rollins and Triple H was a little like the Y2J/KO bout. Characters that you can be invested in, a conclusion that didn’t need a swerve. It was simple and delivered as expected. Perhaps a little too simple. Maybe Trips shouldn’t be here next year to put over more upcoming talent and should just let the New Era play alone.

The WWE Championship followed. Yep, the “Most Prestigious title in Sports Entertainment” was nowhere near the night’s climax. And thank the maker for that. The betrayal on Wyatt should have come here, not a month prior. Failing that, Luke Harper needed to appear in a shock heel turn to help Bray.

Failing that we needed anything that meant Randy Orton didn’t deliver an RKO from Outta Nowhere to win. He did. And with it the Wyatt experience has been killed once and for all. What a shame. An unforgivable waste from WWE “Creative.”

Another bout, another expected result. Brock Lesnar and Goldberg. To be fair, it wasn’t the squash match we’d feared. It did run like a highlights package for big impacts but it worked. Lesnar had to dig deep, Goldberg still looks strong. The Beast Incarnate is a Universal Champion with an even bigger chip on his shoulder.

Lesnar_Goldberg WM33

SmackDown Women’s Championship Six-Pack Challenge returned the Women’s Revolution to the Dark Ages (should we call them “Divas” again?). It was quick, lazy, and Naomi got the soulless WrestleMania moment in her home state.

The finale was Undertaker vs Roman Reigns. The placement on the card revealed the result. ‘Taker goes last because this would be his last match ever. Which meant he was passing the torch. WWE will not reconsider the relentless Reigns push.

Undertaker WM33

There’s only one man worthy enough to call the match: Jim Ross. He’s been through personal tragedy lately, and the entire world of wrestling, fans and performers alike, are united in sending him their love and best wishes.

JR called it with the expertise and delivery that appears to come so natural and has been so sorely missed on WWE programming. And it happened to be a decent bout. There was a very noticeable spot where Reigns couldn’t get Undertaker up into position for, what I’m guessing, was a Tombstone Piledriver. This is probably the final piece of evidence that Undertaker’s wrestling days should be over.

My gut instinct says he was originally heading for a bout with Cena. It’s why he first reappeared on SmackDown LIVE. But his body must has served its final notice. So ‘Taker being an old-school man (maybe the last) followed the tradition of leaving the ring on his back, passing the torch to the next generation.

At the end, he disrobed his Undertaker gimmick, both garments and aura. It was as if the kayfabe spirit finally left the old gunslinger. He became a normal man before our eyes.

A man will can all respect and will miss forever.

Undetaker Last Stand

(6/10, overall event rating.)